It's 2am indeed, lying on bed, mentally drained, eyes tired, but soul is just so wide awake. 

Taking so many days to catch up with what I've missed out for my Econs lectures, can say I'm finally done with my self revision and those given assessments. But no matter how much effort I've put in, I still have this feeling of anxiety that there are actually a lot more work to be done, which in reality, there really is. Still finding a possible way to adapt.

Anyway, late night thoughts struck me again. Just completed my part for my group assessment report, work that needs to be done are completed. So far, just need more recap on stuff that I've been revising and.. I haven't touched on the practicals yet. Having revised that much, still didn't really manage to comprehend the questions on those exercise questions. What is this, am I really born that dumb that it seems like I can never understand something when it gets just a little too complexed?

Still on my way to search for that drive and motivation that I used to have in studying. It's been a long time. Wished I had someone to tell me what is the right way to study smart besides studying hard..

And by the way, have you ever felt so broken by a best-friendship that has turned sour as a result of your own actions? The consequences.. so negative that it's made once two close friends become distant. It's that kind of nostalgic vibe that makes you sad, empty, and tore you apart.

Sometimes, when you think about it, it keeps you hanging there. Perhaps a little numb. 

But there are also other times when you think about it, you'll go, "nope no regrets. It's a matter of time you see things turn out this way if this is how you've allowed things to become the way they are now."

Eventually, you snap back to reality and you choose hard not to think about it anymore and remind yourself to move on. But your heart still cringe a little inside

... when memory plays back like a replay in every possible way it could be.  Nonetheless, you'd still survive and live through it. You'll say, deal with it. 

Do I consider all that as sweet misery? 

If time could make a reverse, I probably would treasure the friendship more than the relationship, at least I believe things wouldn't be worse off than today.