Built up

As I look back, things merely took place a year ago or so, it ended up so differently.

As I look back, I feel human connections release, just like how magnets lose their attraction. Being forced by the surroundings happening around us, one's behaviour changes. The sense of being attached and gradually distancing. Why on earth that things always have to appear to be this way at the end of the day?

What's life without adding a little spice to make it feel more special?

What's life without excitement?

But what's life after having gone through those, and you kinda expect you'll lose it all one day, only to find yourself once again all alone. Helpless at one corner, you won't let it all out. Because it's almost impossible to be understood fully. You became tired to be reliving in a cycle, found yourself caught with a swept of emotion, tearing at the back where no one else would probably ever take notice.

One does not need attention.
One needs concern. Yes there is, but it's no longer the same like how it used to be.

It's all been hidden too well. What feels the worst is that you realize you are the only one who's holding on to the memories.

It feels as if the one whom you care about isn't there for you anymore..

It hurts to see it in one's eyes. It hurts to foresee all of this would only become a part and parcel of life.


But, I'm not going to judge about life. I don't want to. There is still a long way to go before I settle down in life. And by saying settle down doesn't mean it's about marriage or have kids. Ha. I hate it when I'm questioned time and again, the oh-so-common "What do you wanna do in life?" Honestly, I have NO idea yet. But I believe I'll find my way through and I guess I'll need support. 

I believe people will remember things, perhaps just the good ones. Particularly for me, maybe my memory is better, I could have just recalled any possible incidents at anytime. Ha. I guess that's why I'd once been called random by people.

I constantly remind myself no matter what happens, I gotta be contented for what I received. At least, it's one of the ways to teach myself not to resort to commit any mean things that I could've done to anybody. I don't know how people usually think of me, but I'm aware of my own flaws. I might be a little selfish at times, I might be throwing tantrums too often lately, I might be too mean at times. For that, I apologize. But deep down, I meant no harm.

Labels: More than words