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Saturday, June 02, 2012
Roots before Branches. Another thing that frightens me is the time. Time passes really too quickly. There are so many things that I need to do, so many things that I wish I could say it out but I don't know how. I always get tongue-tied whenever I want to say something. Why so fast June already? I haven't decided what to do after graduation. Yes, graduation. This is the thing I fear the most for now. I remembered how I looked forward to graduate from elementary school to middle school. And then as I grow older, I fear graduation. When I was in Middle school, I was stressed like hell from O levels. I couldn't wait to get through that period of time. Then finally, graduation from Middle school. At that time, I was sixteen. We were already told to decide carefully what we want to do for our future. So we chose carefully the course we desired when the time comes to High school. At that time, I didn't manage to get into the course I want to, but it was that time. Now that I've got into this course, digital animation, I think I'm lucky because I met some great friends there, and there is one who always come to my help whenever I'm at a loss of what to do for our assignments. So yeah, thank you. I'll always tell myself to be grateful. Time flies and now it's our third year in High school. Even up till today, to be honest, I still find it unbelievable. I think it's pretty much the high school which has become a turning point in my life. We're still growing up. And right now, I'm afraid. I'm afraid because the pace of time passes so fast that I can't catch up with the time. I haven't decided on what to do with my life in the future, and where is future? I can see that it's not too far away. It's nearing us, approaching us. Are we still going to be the same like how we had each other as a company for the past two years? Are things still going to be the same after the graduation? I can't bear to say goodbye. But this time, I know no matter what, it's time to face the reality, we have to make the decision, I'm forced to make a decision of what to do with my life after graduation. But this decision is a tough one, it may be another turning point in us, it might also bring me lots of tears, sadness, because I know in my heart, someday there might be a separation between us. I certainly hope my mindset would be proven wrong. Cos' I really hope this day will never come. I don't like distance, I fear separation. Even though I've told myself to be prepared for the worst, I know on that day, I would definitely burst out in tears. I have no courage to say out all this to you. Because I know myself that I might not even say it out, and then I would start crying. And I would just literally cry. So I guess this is mainly the reason why I teared whenever I think about it, the reason why I feel scared when I think about it and just go complete silent cos I just couldn't bring myself to say all this out. Probably I'm trying to put it aside and not to think about it, do certain things like work to temporary distract myself from thinking all this things for awhile. There's no turning back, and I'll just have to keep moving on. It's hard for me, because I always hold on to memories... I don't want the distance between us to drift away. I really don't wish to surrender to fate, when it really comes to one day that we are both left with no choice but only separation... I truly hope there will never be such a day. Cos' I know it would be really heart-wrenching.. The future seems so vague. But somehow I can sense that the future is nearing, it's approaching us day by day, and I'll know the answer soon. I just have to brace myself to face the whatever outcome it is. I hope there will be no goodbyes.. Ending this entry with a quote I've learned from one of my modules... "You cannot control what goes on around you, but you can always have control over how you respond to a situation." Labels: Nobody said it was easy; it's such a shame for us to part.. |
March babies \m/ ! 
