Just went to take a look at my blog all time history and realize my blog is so pathetic with a total pageviews of just 8,946. This is really pathetic and fail, since this blog has already been created for 6 years or so... But as I see it has also been viewed by countries other than local, there are United States, Russia, Slovenia, Malaysia, Germany, China, Netherlands, Poland as well as United Kingdom! Wow! Sounds pretty awesome haha but not sure if it's accurate...

So guess what have I done during this last 2 months holiday? TOP SECRET.

Anyway I'm just wondering if mood swing really exists or is it just an excuse which us humans always use as when we are feeling upset? But I guess even when your mood changes, like you're happy one moment and fucking depress the next, I believe it happens for a reason? Lol and when I tried to talk to my mum about mood swings and she was literally scolding me mad and crazy and giving those remarks like there's no such thing as mood swing. She said she hasn't experienced this throughout her entire life so far. And then she said I'm just too weak to handle different kind of situations. Yeah, maybe she's right.

I googled mood swing and one of the trolling results I get is this :

LOL wtf this is so stupid. -.- Agree?!

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Emotions overwhelm. I've so much to say at times but I don't know how I should go about it..

Story of my life: Honestly speaking, sometimes I feel so minute and little, FYI I'm not talking about my size. I feel so helpless because when I see someone is suffering at one corner, there is nothing I can do to help him/her. I feel so helpless when I see someone is upset yet there is nothing I can do to make her feel better. There is just so little I can do... I don't know. And I don't know why for the 19 years of my life, to put it negatively, there's always bound to be a misunderstanding and then just get suan by people.

Let's just start it off with kindergarten.. I was once such a timid shy girl, I don't socialize with my classmates, I don't talk very often, one fucking bad point about me is that I cried like shit every single fucking day in school. I remember there was this super fierce Indian kindergarten teacher and she always gave scoldings and slapped kids' head. Wtf she was so mean. I believe all the other kids, of course including me, were so frightened and nervous whenever it comes to her lesson. I guess I was lucky enough from escaping her slaps... But definitely I was such a scaredy cat, it's like the moment it comes to her lesson then I would start crying lol! You know why? Because I didn't know how to do her work. #Fail

Then again I remember there's one lesson that we were all supposed to draw fishes and color it. Few days ago, my mum taught me how to draw fishes and I learned it. But when it comes to the lesson, I remember I actually knew how to draw but I have no fucking idea what happened to me after that and I just left the piece of drawing paper blank and worst still, I CRIED AGAIN. SO LOUDLY. HAHAHAHAH and subsequently I was well known as a crybaby and for every drawing lesson, I was the only child given the "SPECIAL PRIVILEGE" that the teacher would draw for me first and all that I had to do was just to add in the colors. LOL easy life. And then there was one time, I forgot what truly happened but I just kept crying and kicking around, throwing tantrums in class then one of my shoes flew out from my seat. WTF LOL I know this sounds hilarious to you because I find it too. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. And I guess at that time I could have just awarded the "MOST CRYBABY" award cos even the teachers surrendered and gave up on me. I was so scared of that Indian woman that I refused to attend school after that lol. Ohmygawd why am I sharing such embarrassing story of myself in my blog... In retrospect I was really such a failure ever since a kid. My teacher suspected that I had autism. Wtf. Then my mum was so pissed off and stood up for me. Thanks Mum. :')

Primary School, I remember I cried on the very first day of school. #Fail Then I was so dumb because I didn't understand English because I came from a "Speak-Mandarin" family. And I only mixed with one friend, none others. Lol sounds pathetic yet again. My friend had to communicate with me speaking Mandarin, so I'd never truly learnt how to speak proper English. I have no idea why whenever my classmates talked to me, they would just switch to speak Mandarin with me. You know how retarded I felt whenever I was under this kind of situation? It's like this: Classmate A and Classmate B talking to each other, speak English, then suddenly Classmate A wanted to ask me something ONLY ABOUT SCHOOL WORK, then turned around and suddenly switch channel and spoke Mandarin with me. Story of my life indeed ~

Oh and another thing, then there's one time in P1, I suck at Mathematics.

Then I had this super smart friend who always scores full marks for all the subjects and eventually top the class. And I was like the super dumb one. I didn't know how to answer those exercises questions on the workbook. I had no idea what exactly happened after that then this friend of mine had her parent's words written on the student handbook. She showed it to the teacher and then I realized it's a complaint about me saying that I was being such a great distraction to her daughter's work. What. the. fuck. Sigh.

Another incident... Art class. I remembered I drew the entire classroom filled with tables and chairs and students having lesson, then I colored it with crayons or color pencils.. It was graded an "A". Then as the teacher was asking one of my classmates to give out the drawing papers back to us, I remember when it was my turn, he came to me saying, "A? I don't believe it was drawn by you lor!" Then I was like, meep. See, I don't stand up and defend for myself. Way too dumb in the past. -_- #Fail

Then there was one time.. One day in school during class break, I was being pointed out by a relief teacher and she was like so random and praised me that I was a pretty little girl out of the sudden. LOL~ Then my classmates were like "Huh, who?" Then another teacher came in, this relief teacher asked me to stand up so that people know that she was talking about me. THEN I WAS LIKE HUH SO HAPPY LOL. Okay apart from me, I remember she also asked the other girl sitting behind me to stand up and she praised us both. THEN ONE GUY IN MY CLASS HAD TO MAKE NOISE AND HE WAS LITERALLY GIVE THE "WTF JACKIE CHAN MEME FACE" SAYING, "Eh if you say that girl pretty I'm fine, BUT HER?! *INSTANT INDEX FINGER POINTS AT ME* SHE PRETTY?!

I REMEMBER HIS FACE WAS PRETTY MUCH LIKE THIS. -_- Story of my life again... So pathetic.

And right now I'm blogging this while eating caipeng which makes my life seems pretty sad lol.

People always made fun of my name. Alibaba, Aladdin... and there was this guy who even created lyrics and sang it to me " ALIDA HOO 没有穿底裤，LEI-EE-LEI-EE-LEI-HEE-HOO ! "

WHAT. THE. FUCK. Nobody stood up for me, and I was just... MEEP. -_-