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Sunday, December 25, 2011
exchange of gifts among friends and family, that would be... awesome?  My last time receiving Christmas presents. Now I really wonder how my mum did this. It's like a bonus to me. So, as I said I could barely fall sleep a wink last night, I remembered vividly that I was awake automatically at 5.45am, or probably earlier.., I'm tired but I just couldn't fall asleep. My parents were still sleeping soundly and as always, I remember I have the stockings hung on my door knob like this.  Then I went to feel it but I felt nothing inside and I felt a little disappointed at that moment. I was even thinking, "Oh well, I'm 18, I really am a grownup now. Should quit behaving like a little kid yearning for Christmas presents." And I went back to my bed, not sure if I was staring at the ceiling or whatever I was doing, the past few days I've been like this, I'm like a zombie wandering around aimlessly when I went out alone on my own, and yes speaking of which I couldn't believe I actually went out on my own, 2 times some more, just to get gifts for this awesome friend of mine and also at the same time, I was really really in a not-sure-what-to-do-in-life mode(or should I say am?). So I actually went to tell my mum that I'd like to go out on my own to take a breather and also to get gifts. I guess she was really taken by surprise that I'd have done that because I never used to do that in the past. She thought I was insane.(Oh well perhaps I really was lol) Oh and back to the topic, I went back to my bed. After a couple of minutes my mum woke up, I closed my eyes and I heard some noises like opening of the drawer and followed by that I heard the sound of notes. I heard footsteps of my mum too. I guess she was like pacing up and down and perhaps at the same time making sure that I was really soundly asleep lol, then she walked up to the door and clandestinely stuffed in some notes into the stockings! Ahhhhh-ha! I caught Santa!#lame. But seriously, so I've been really deceived throughout the past 18 years of my life?! LOL! Well but anyway, as I was quietly peeping at what my mum was doing, I secretly teared a little. Of course not because of the fact that I found out there's no Santa, but I was kind of like moved to tears. It's beyond words, really. I don't know what more can I say, I just have to say that... Dear Mum, thanks a lot for all that you've been doing for me. Whenever I'm down, you are always here for me to pour my woes and frustrations to you. I'm blessed to have you as my mum, you dote on me so much so that you even support me to go to the extent of purchasing branded stuff which is really super duper hella expensive. But most importantly, I'm thankful that you are always there for me no matter what happened. Though you might be loud at times, I know it's all out of care and concern. So yeah, thanks a lot mum! (L) And the next thing I wanna blog about it's this incident that I said earlier, boggles me too much. Expectation versus Reality. Expectation? This is really heart-wrenching. Each time when I expect something like this to happen, it is really far beyond my expectation, which speaks about the reality. It is cruel. Every single time I will tell myself to keep my expectation to the minimal, expect less and I'll be happier... Sigh. And I seriously can't figure it out why people's behavior are just so weird at times. I know there will be changes in life, I know people change and things change. It's just that... I honestly couldn't accept the fact that people's behavior can be changed so sudden. And I hate myself for being such a person that I will always bottle up to my own, I swear I don't wish to keep things to myself as well. Sidetrack awhile, sometimes I really dislike people whose attitude towards you can be changed that fast. Even if you dun say, my intuition sense it all. I'm pretty much a very intuitive person. I believe there must be a reason that causes one's behavior to change towards somebody. They might be very close to each other last week, and one week later or even just one day later things change and out of the sudden you dunno what to say but somewhat or somehow you just can sense the distance between the two of you. It really upsets me a lot when things like that happen. And I'm so pissed with myself that I couldn't find a good way to express it out. I don't wish to deliver the wrong message to you that might cause misunderstanding between us and result in unhappiness. Sometimes, I really don't wish to let my dull mood affect the people around me, but I just can't help it. I'm so afraid of miscommunication. When people ask me what's wrong, especially those people whom I really want to stay close to them in life, I really appreciate the thought of this and I can be so delighted when my close friends spotted that I wasn't in a good mood perhaps and you asked what happened out of concern. Trust me, it's not that I didn't wish to say but whenever this happens, I totally wished I could just spam out all the words I've been keeping inside my heart for so long but I just can't bring myself to do it! It's like for a moment I've turned into a complete mute out of the sudden. I'm so upset and enraged at myself. Who will ever understand this..? Come to think of it, I am sincerely very apologetic towards people whom I've once thrown tantrums to them. I was just so frustrated and raged with myself that I just can't bring myself to open up to speak my mind. It wasn't intentional! :( I treasure kinship and friendship a lot. Friendship, yes I cherish my friends a lot. A LOT A LOT. As the chinese saying goes, " 在家靠父母，在外靠朋友。" which is so freaking true. So what if you have 10000000 friends on facebook? I don't need a lot, I just need one true friend who is willing to stand by me during my hard times, share the joy and woes with me. That's all I ever need, so does everyone else right? I thank those who are true to me, thanks for being there for me and those who helped me a lot a lot. Really grateful and blessed to have met these true friends in my life. And I will always pray for you all and your family good health and happiness. Love ya'll. (L) And I guess ever since I entered tertiary education, I came to realize I treasure and love my friends more than ever now. It dawned on me how lonely and pathetic I'd have been without meeting this extraordinary awesome best friend of mine! Really am very grateful towards you and that's why I always treat ya especially nice because to me, you're extraordinary okay. Haha. Alright to be serious, had it not been you, who knows I'd have died long ago, in studies, yeah. Many many thanks to you. It's beyond words to express my gratitude towards you. (L) For those who judged me so hard when you didn't even get to me well enough, and you went badmouthing me behind my back. Once is enough to leave this blemish in my heart. I'll just say bye to you forever. (But also depends on certain situation and who is it) But I also ought to thank you for making me realize there are all kinds of people whom you might need to beware of in real life. No one can ever live without friends and family. Friends, there are some who are really, merely just friends, you say hi and bye to each other and that's it. But for some friends, you will cry once they are gone, you will, and some are just worth dying for. Some friends have already left a super deep impression on me that they are really like family to me. They occupy a part of my life, of great importance whom I will never want to lose them. "It takes a long time to grow an old friend." - John Leonard True enough, it takes a long time to grow an old friend. Friendship that happens naturally to me is the best friendship ever in life. Sometimes, we may quarrel, but I think true friends shouldn't be calculative. Last night, this great net friend of mine sent me a message which I think it is really meaningful. Especially this sentence, " 你成了我的朋友就成了我永远的牵挂，如果哪天没有我的信息，并不代表我不想你。其实朋友就是这样，从来无需想起，因为不曾忘记！" Thanks so much for everything. Thanks for your Christmas card as well. It's really very thoughtful of you to send me a Christmas card. You are a really really great net friend to me! (L) P/s: I'm not targeting any particular person in this entry. But some words are still better left unsaid. |
March babies \m/ ! 
